Mark writes about fear and safety.

Author:  Mark Seymour.

Date: 8 June 2022.

Original URL: N/A.

Article Text

Circa 1980, I remember being scared as I ascended the staircase of The Seaview Ballroom to witness ‘The Birthday Party’.

I would never have described it that way at the time. ‘Being scared’. I was young and fast, on the alert. But that’s what it was: Fear. Straight up. The heightened pulse, the quickened breath, ready to dodge or run if I had to. The short, clipped conversation when approached. Say as little as possible and move quickly.

Take nobody for granted, take what you need and get out.

It only occurs to me now, having carried the burden of my own dialogue through so many of these dark smoky rooms, literally for decades, that there is nothing intrinsically dangerous about them at all.

Much of my fear was born of internal craving and little else. Still, for all of that pointless urgency, I am better able now, to feel the fear in others more profoundly than in myself.

I have learned to sleep in the dark.

Still, I’m not sure now if a sense of threat isn’t always there. In some form. With everybody. After all, that’s what it is. A ‘sense.’ A feeling..

Of course there is a need for ‘safe spaces’ but no matter how safe they actually are, people will find a way to be fearful, of something.. driven as much by the instinctive conjuring of danger as reality itself.

Of course, that’s not to say that danger isn’t there. Peoples’ safety needs to be guaranteed. Danger needs to be pinned down, named and outed for what it is, especially in politics but the truth is, Artists have traded in the symbols of fear for generations because fear itself is a galvanizing force. It draws people in.

And there lies power.

At 22, pushing into the crowd to see Cave writhing under the lights, I was definitely attracted to danger. I wasn’t sure what kind. It may not even have been him. It might have been the violent press and pull of the crowd, people energised by the drama on stage but whatever else he did, Cave conjured threat out of gesture, language and the violence of the human imagination. Very well.

The first time you walk into a full M.C.G. and stand beneath the towering concrete on ground level, the sheer visceral roar of people, feels dangerous. There’s no doubt. Burt how much urgency is in the sound itself and not the actual physicality of the space?

Sometime after seeing Cave I found myself working directly under his feet. Starvation was not an option at the time and fast and crab like as I was, picking up after him while avoiding collision seemed like easy money.

People still ask, where did you get started?

‘Beneath the feet of the Dark Lord’ may well have been the place.

I’ve always been drawn to threat. Not sure why but it must’ve started somewhere. Maybe the primary school yard was where I learned to approach the source. To test the level of pain that would follow if I transgressed some unwritten hierarchy amongst the boys that was measured in the blow of a fist. Just how far could I go? And if the blow came, how well could I suck it up? And learn detachment at the same time..

Detachment was the key to survival. Or so I thought.

To assess the threat and remain relaxed.

Dare I say, there was nothing unusual in this. These days boys may well be schooled in learning other ways to organising themselves but back then violence set the boundaries. Even though the smarter puppies would acquire authority in other ways there was always some spark who, through means imported from beyond the school boundary, discovered the power of the fist, found it deeply gratifying and used it to sway other boys to his will.

To instill fear.

Some young thug long since vanished in the suburban fog was heard to have clocked my little brother Nick on the footy oval.. for being mouthy. Nick crosses boundaries I’ll say that much but I’ve always admired that about him. Meanwhile our thug decided to move to the next level..

Me!

It was a jab as I recall.

I’ve never forgotten the punches that landed. Probably because I put myself in their way. And will most likely continue to if needed.

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