Tarago Diaries #61 – Relax
Punter reflections from the Red Hot Summer Tour.
Author: Mark Seymour.
Date: 25 March 2022.
Original URL: N/A.
Article Text
‘Relax’
A girl, or should I say a lady, wedged against the crash barrier down front..
Iphone up and recording the whole shooting match. From the first note to the last. Never missed a beat..
Somewhere towards the end, things got boisterous, elbows left and right. She was tough. Nobody could shade her. Not even the big bugger who moved in, hustling for space.
“Back off tool.”
But there was one consistent thread. Despite her determination to get every drop, she never looked happy.. not even for a second, like, all night. Which was mildly disconcerting.
I tried everything. Went bug eyed. Rolled ‘em, grinned, shuddered, even waved ‘hello’ off mic..
To no avail. The frown never left her face.
And believe me, faces frowning, grimacing, tortured or otherwise upset.. well, you run into them on a daily basis.. right?
Why would a gig be any different?
Still, the ego took a bit of a nudge..
But hey, you walk out there, the band’s gotta do its thing right?
It’s loud, tight, forceful, driving the point home.. some might call it heavy, ( it is). Either way, there will be some who will find ‘loud and heavy’ disagreeable.
I get that.
But the point is, you can’t turn to the lads mid-gig and ask politely..
“Hey guys, could ya tone it down a bit?”
I mean, that’s just not going to happen is it?
Aah.. John Archer? I don’t think so.
But then again, as gigs go, it might not even be THAT. It might not even be musical AT ALL.,
Could be your shirt, or the length of your hair, or you might be a bit overweight. Even the limp might be a turn off. You just never know..
There was this one time..
“Oh that guy..”
Post mortem on the golden plains lawn, Sunday morning..
the lovely daughter, sitting there with her bohemian friends, enjoying the sunny hangover, overhears a convo between punters who’d been to the Springsteen gig at AMI stadium the night before:
CAVEAT: I swear, I behaved myself that night. I had a lovely blue shirt on, hair cut neat, the band rocked its socks off. Didn’t lose my voice, said hello, pleased to be there, might even have told the audient how wonderful they were.. in front of what? 20,000 Bruce heads? Sure. Whatever it took. And let’s face it, you’re gonna play to your strengths right? Pressure was on. We went hard. loud, heavy, tight.
The usual.
And as the great man once said: Be ON TIME, know your lines, and don’t fuck it up!
But hang on. There’s one more thing.
RELAX!
‘Cos.. whatever you do, no matter how much you want to be loved and admired, someone’s bound to not like IT or
YOU.
Yeh. I was pretty relaxed. Knees were bent. In a fraught sort of way..
“Oh that guy.. yeah them. The Hunters and the Collectors. Yeah, right.
Yeah, nah.. dunno. They’re sort of ok.. Know what I’m sayin’? But him. Wow. Yeah. He’s an arsehole..
WTF?
Please do not misconstrue. This is NOT a whinge. I mean, I find this friggin ‘hilarious.
No problem.
Two things: you cannot know what a punter will react to.. EVER.
Second: you’re PAID to step up, which means commitment from go to whoa..
Not one small crack of self-doubt will EVER crease this dial.
As it once did..
Even when said lady was grimacing from dawn to dusk. But you know what?
She may well have been a huge fan. So what if she wasn’t smiling? That might’ve been her ‘default’ face. Her boyfiend, or girlfriend, God forbid we assume anything here, may well have been giving her the absolute shits.. all night. She might have been the loveliest human being you could ever meet.. in your tiny life.. SEYMOUR.
And you know what else? Now that I’m really giving it a good think?
If she’d been a bloke, it might not have looked so strange.. ‘cos you know how women are expected to smile.. that’s a thing right? Can’t say I’m immune to cultural bias..
I’m workin’ on it ok?
But hey, you hear all this post-gig banter.. musicians trying to analyse the crowd.
I have long since abandoned this project. It is a complete waste of time..
After all, once you’re back there, enjoying your well earned frostie,
The damage is done right? You can’t whip out for another ‘round..
“Oh hang on a tick.. can you give us another go? I think we can do better..”
Had a moment though as I glanced into her camera.. constructed a rant in my tiny mind as we travelled down the set list..
“Hey Miss.. Yeah you. How ya goin’?”
“Yeah good.”
“Hey.. so. Ya gettin’ it all?”
“Yeah good.”
“Yeah. Ya got a youtube channel right?”
“Yeah good.”
“So you wanna tell me what the handle is?”
“Oh. No biggie. Just wouldn’t mind subscribing..
So I can see what I look like.”
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